It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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