i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You're like the curious george of whores
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
