I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
