i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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