I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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