you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
