i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
