I got chris browned last night
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
