i may or may not be watching the land before time
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
