how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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