No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
