I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
