if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
