It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
