sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
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So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
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Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize