Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
