there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
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Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
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learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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