is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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