I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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