Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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