I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
