i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
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this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
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Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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