There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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