I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
