So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
