no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
