i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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