Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
