Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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