Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
