She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
