I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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