so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
