Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We need to get me chipped asap
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
