why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
there was a trapeze. enough said
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Found your dick twin last night
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
