we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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