So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
