Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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