rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Randomize
