Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
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I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
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Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize