I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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