so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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