Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
