I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
