I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This is my gift to your gina
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
