I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
