can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
