Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Im part way to drunk.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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