we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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