My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
