im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
