I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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