If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm like, not good at living.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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