Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
