you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
