'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
