So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
