The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
